In men-women relationships, a “No” simply means just that: “No”!

The #MeToo movement and the controversy over Brett Kavanaugh’s nomination to the US Supreme Court have put the issue of sexual harassment back in the news. It is good that the public is talking about this very sensitive issue. I have only one point to make about it: When a woman — or a man, for that matter — says “No”, it means “No” and it must be respected.

The problem is particularly harassing to women more than men because somewhere at the back of the sexist male psyche is this notion that a man — if he is a man — should not take “No” for an answer. Well, not any more.

He may justify his actions by saying she doesn’t mean it and impose himself on her which is sexual harassment. He may “chase” after her when she has already said “No. That is sexual harassment. He may give it back to her for saying “No” and make it hard for her to work or live. That is sexual harassment.

Even in a relationship where both parties like each other, when one side says “No”, it must be respected. The person who said “No” may have said it for his or her own reasons even if he or she likes the other party concerned. In a healthy relationship, “No” will be respected. If the “No” changes to a “Yes” at some later date, that person will signal it. Then, it’s for the partner to take his or her cue. Where both sides like each other, some emotional space is needed to navigate through and a “No” may be temporary. If it is definite and unlikely to change, respect it and back off indefinitely!

Always back off in the face of a “No” and take action only when the signals indicate a change to “Yes.” If the signals seem mixed then just talk with the involved partner. When people interact at a healthy level, communication channels are often left open so there are always opportunities to talk and iron things out.

In a one-sided relationship, a “No” is simply a “No”! If you are not interested in a romantic relationship with that person and you have clearly given a definite “No”, and that person won’t accept it, tell him or her to talk a walk or run round the block!

The general rule in any healthy, equal relationship is to take the cues from each other. If both sides give cues to go ahead, then go ahead! If one side holds back, respect it and back off until the cues indicate otherwise. If it’s one-sided and you have said a definite “No”, the other party — if he or she is self-respecting — will leave you alone.

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It’s the govt’s job to protect vulnerable groups

A survey conducted in Port Dickson recently by Selangor think-tank Institut Darul Ehsan reported that although voters had complained that they no longer received cash handouts and welfare aid as they did from the previous administration, they generally favour the current Pakatan Harapan (PH) government and would likely support the PH candidate in the PD by-election.

Kudos to the voters! They graciously accepted all the benefits the previous Barisan Nasional (BN) government gave and voted for them in return until they decided it was time for a change and turned their noses at the privileges offered and voted in a new ruling party!

The perks are gone but the voters are willing to give PH a chance to improve their lot without the handouts. That speaks much of the desire of the voters for something better than immediate, temporary benefits and they are willing to trust the PH government to deliver.

The previous administration took advantage of the helplessness of the people by giving short-term benefits in exchange for votes. That is exploitation in the guise of “government aid”! No government should take advantage of its people, especially the poor, the helpless and the marginalised and give them handouts so that they are not free to make choices on their own free will,

These groups are vulnerable to being baited with carrot sticks because their conditions make them powerless to choose to decline. Manipulating them so that there is no freedom of choice is totally undemocratic. It is the responsibility of the government to ensure that people are free from any sort of manipulation to make their own choices.

Every time a case crops up when people are manipulated, the government has to be quick to intervene and ensure that the people are free to choose unencumbered.

So, when politicians go on the campaign trail and dinners and concerts are given, the government must step in and ensure that the people are not being “manipulated” with free gifts even in the form of a free beach party or dinner. This wasn’t seen in the PD by-election.

Perhaps, that is the role of the Election Commission. Understandably, in the new Malaysia with new people helming institutions, it will take time to ensure a code of conduct for candidates on the campaign trail but some statement should have been made to indicate that we are heading in that direction.

It’s the same issue with the recent cases of alcohol poisoning. Those who died were right at the bottom of the social heap. While I’m not encouraging drinking into a stupor, I recognize that the poor don’t have the means to buy the more expensive but safer non-toxic drinks and are choicelessly exposed to unscrupulous manufacturers who exploit their poverty and sell adulterated drinks which are fatal.

Society should not sit by quietly and watch these people die. This is another situation where the government should intervene to protect the underprivileged. The government should move quickly to revoke the licences of such manufacturers and take the necessary action to stop such unwanted deaths.

It’s not for the government to moralise whether the victims’ choices or lifestyles are right or wrong. It is its responsibility to ensure that the vulnerable are not denied their rights and that their lives are not put at risk.


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Entitlement precedes corruption

There were no surprises in last week’s Umno general assembly. It was business as usual with the leaders making the usual “Malay first” pronouncements by bandying about racist-like slogans like “Melayu baru”, “DAP racists” and claiming their entitled position to form a unity government and be a government-in-waiting.

Typically old Umno which underplayed the younger voices desiring a clearer direction and a commitment to form a strong opposition in step with the current realities of abiding by the will of the people which threw them out of office.

It’s a real pity. The old guard had a chance to reinvent themselves by shedding off the attitude of entitlement to government and the resources available to them through it and learn to start all over again by working for an honest living.

Politicians — in fact, everyone in public office — need to realise that they are not entitled to government positions and funds. It’s no one’s right to be in government or be a minister or prime minister — unless they are elected into office. If the people give them that right, they must take it and use the position and funds to help the people — not make themselves wealthy!

Public servants have to work hard honestly to earn a living. That’s what Umno politicians can do now: Set an example for others and work hard at being an effective opposition to bring benefits to their supporters instead of finding short-cuts to position and funds.

The entitled might find it hard to simply work hard and earn honest wages. These are the people with the attitude that they have a right to the nation’s wealth because they are citizens. This is their country and the government should give to them.

True. Every citizen has a right to the nation’s wealth but they must work hard to get it not sit back and think that it’s the government’s job to give and theirs to take. It’s this attitude of entitlement that has opened the door to corruption in the civil service. It has permeated the civil service right down to the lowest rung of staff. Nothing gets done until there’s some greasing of palms. And, it’s very open.

Everyone knows cops do it. I know of a police station (I won’t mention names) where the cops at the entrance have a list of the money they take for offences. It’s less than the official sum. Whether the money goes into the police coffers or their own pockets, I don’t know. But, if you don’t want to pay them, they will direct you to the payment counters inside to pay the official amount.

When I told them that I’m a journalist and don’t do this sort of thing, they snickered and smiled in embarrassment and directed me to the payment counter!

This is true of municipal and district council workers as well. Small businesses and hawkers will tell you how they can’t get licences or operate without an exchange of money.

If you feel entitled you won’t work hard for what you want. It’s like rich children who know they don’t have to work hard for money because their parents have more than enough to give them. If those kids don’t value their parents’ hard-earned wealth, they’ll give others “access” to these funds for a fee, which, sometimes, are phenomenal sums!

To remove corruption from government, it is necessary to rebuild a work culture based on effort and merit. That culture of good work ethics can only be nurtured when the attitude of entitlement is destroyed.

Those in public office need to know they are entitled to nothing except what is legally and appropriately made available to them. When they don’t feel entitled, they will realise that they have no choice but to work hard, and, then, corruption becomes a dirty word because it would deprive them of an honest income.



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Will the people prevail in the PD by-election?

It’s very encouraging to note that the people are wising up to our politicians! The PD by-election engineered to fast-track Anwar Ibrahim’s path to becoming prime minister is not going to be an easy win for him. Four other contenders are planning to stand for elections in the Port Dickson parliamentary constituency against Anwar, and one of them is former Negeri Sembilan Mentri Besar Tan Sri Isa Samad.

Apart from Isa, the others are unknown individuals: PAS candidate Lieutenant Colonel Mohd Nazari Mokhtar, Parti Rakyat Malaysia candidate Ahmad Kamaruddin and independent candidate Stevie Chan Keng Leong. Isa resigned from Umno and is standing for election as an independent candidate.

The fact that the PD by-election is turning out to be a five-cornered fight is a clear indication that people can see through what the politicians are up to and will oppose them. And, that precisely is what the people should do. When it is apparent that politicians are holding on to their positions for their own interests and NOT the interests of the people, they should be thrown out in an election.

A five-cornered fight will split the votes in five ways and Anwar has reason to be worried although he claims he is “not losing any sleep” over Isa’s entry. Isa has a 40-year tenure of serving Negri Sembilan. There is also talk that others may join the fray. It will be interesting to see to what extent they will split the vote and deny Anwar his entry into Parliament.

Apparently, there are undercurrents of tensions caused by the Anwar factor which people are attempting to neutralise. A good place to see what is brewing is Umno. It has publicly stated that it wants to join the ruling Pakatan Harapan (PH) or its coalition partners to form a unity government. It is also boycotting the PD by-election and won’t stand against Anwar.

Now, why is there a need for a unity government? A unity government will only come into play when a leading party in an election does not have the votes to form a simple majority. In the current scenario, PH has a comfortable majority. It has no need for a unity government. So, why would Umno offer itself to any PH party to form a unity government?

There can only be two reasons. Firstly, Umno does not want to be in the opposition because it means its politicians have to work hard to win the support of its constituents and make a forceful presence in Parliament and Umno politicians just don’t know how to do that. Out of government, Umno politicians cannot hold their own. So, they want to get back into government to be able to survive, which leads to the second reason.

Umno saw a possibility in PH breaking up and is offering itself to the winning side. Since it doesn’t want to contest in the PD by-election, it would be easy to assume that it wants to leave the door to a possible deal with Anwar open. Anwar referred to Umno’s strategy as irrelevant as there was no such “proposal”. On both counts, Umno’s reasons are not the interests of the people it represents but the personal interests of its politicians.

It seems to be the trend these days for politicians to announce their plans believing their “openness” will make them credible. With Umno it failed just as it failed with PAS for its avowed stand to form a government to set up an Islamic state. Although Anwar has denied the prospect of a unity government, the suspicions linger on. People apparently are not convinced. They are standing for election against him to split the votes. They may not know the real motive but neither are they confident that the real motive is the interests of the people.

No matter how “open” you are, if it isn’t clear that the interests of the people you represent override your own, the people will be suspicious of your intentions.

In a democracy, whatever the individual candidate’s personal reasons, it must be apparent to the people that their interests take priority. If it isn’t apparent, the votes will show it.

It will be interesting to see if the people will vote for or against Anwar. It will reflect what they think of him and the political manoeuvres around him.


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What’s more important than Anwar’s PD move?

Anwar Ibrahim’s PD move kicked up quite a storm of protest as critics felt a by-election was forced again to fast-track his path to the premiership. Many felt it was undemocratic to let an elected Member of Parliament step down to pave the way for him to get elected.

Anwar’s options were limited. He couldn’t possibly wait for an MP to die to take his place as that would be tasteless and he couldn’t really wait for the next general elections as that would be too long. Hence, it was politically expedient for him — as the elected MP for Port Dickson (PD) Danyal Balagopal Abdullah willingly stepped down — to stand for elections in PD.

But, I hope it would be the last time a by-election is forced because it really disrespects the will of the people. In this case, because the people voted for the coalition rather than the candidate, and considering Anwar’s special case, it can be accepted. But, Anwar’s candidature must be contested to prove he has the support of the people and it falls on the opposition to offer a viable challenge to test it. It is a duty of the opposition to ensure that a potential prime minister has the support of the people he or she may claim to have.

One factor that will be a detriment to Anwar is the fact that the PD move was hatched while many PKR leaders were kept in the dark. This belies a severe rift in Parti Keadilan Rakyat (PKR) which is Anwar’s responsibility as party president to resolve. That, however, doesn’t seem to be happening.

Meanwhile, other parties are taking advantage of the lack of unity in PKR to form pacts to push themselves back into government. The guilty party is Umno, shamelessly seeking to make deals with the ruling Pakatan Harapan (PH) partners as they openly declare their intention to be in government. Umno is said to have approached Prime Minister Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad’s party, Parti Pribumi Bersatu Malaysia (Bersatu), and had sent out feelers to Anwar.

Some may say it’s Umno’s right to form pacts in order to get back into government. It needs to be noted here that this was the leading party in the former government which was rejected by the people. The people don’t want Umno to be in government. The people voted in the PH so that Umno would be kicked out of government. In other words, the ruling coalition partners would be disrespecting the wishes of the people if any of them forms any deal or alliance with Umno.

At all cost, no deal or pact must be made with Umno because it would be opening the door to let in a viral corrupt contagion which would infect the current effort to maintain a clean, corruption-free government. It needs to be reminded that this was the party which stood by silently and pocketed all the money and benefits they could get and did nothing as the nation spiralled downwards in gross mindless mismanagement!

Umno as it is is toxic. Every effort must be made to keep it out of government — until it sheds its billionaire members and a new crop of leaders are raised up who will serve the people on government allocations alone. It has to start by being an effective opposition learning to serve the constituents rather than seeking power and resources for its own benefit. By standing against Anwar in PD, Umno will be sending a clear message to the electorate that it seeks the people’s support to build a base to form a legitimate government in the future rather than circumventing the people to enter government by the back door!

This leads me to the next crucial point. More significant than Anwar’s PD move is the PKR deputy president’s contest. The deputy president will be a potential prime minister after Anwar. Dr M is the incumbent transition PM; Anwar will be the interim PM. My feeling is that Anwar won’t be PM for long, maybe for just a term or two. It is the prime ministers who come after Anwar who need to be picked, groomed and primed for the post now because it is they who will determine if this nation will be propelled forward!

The deputy president’s position will not automatically thrust the candidate into the premiership. The candidate must win elections in a party which has a majority of Malay support. At present, PH has the least of Malay support, only at 25% to 30%. Umno has the most Malay votes at 35% to 40%, followed by PAS with 30% to 33%. (All figures are Merdeka Centre estimates based on GE14 results.)

As long as Malay votes are split three-ways, the wheeling and dealing will continue. Right now Umno is ahead but it doesn’t have East Malaysian bumiputra support or the non-Malay vote, both of which are safely with PH. That configuration may change unless PH succeeds in winning more Malay votes to its side.

For that to happen, PH coalition partners need to set in place leaders who are best able to appeal to the rural Malay voter. PKR members have to keep this factor in mind when electing either Datuk Seri Azmin Ali or Rafizi Ramli as the deputy president. In the current times, that is a priority. When Malay support is secure, candidates with other qualities may become relevant.

When the ruling coalition has a strong Malay base, it will be in a better bargaining position.

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Exercise, set goals, do good, hug and be happy!

A recently published Gallup poll suggests that world happiness levels are at their lowest ebb in over a decade. While the top 10 happiest nations remain more or less the same, the lower ranking countries are more unhappy now than a decade ago.

Finland is the happiest nation, followed by Norway and then Denmark, Iceland, Switzerland, Netherlands, Canada, New Zealand, Sweden and Australia at No 10. 

All the top 10 nations scored high values for the six most important variables to support well-being:  income, healthy life expectancy, social support, freedom, trust and generosity.

The United States, despite its great wealth, fell four spots from last year to No 18. Wealth alone clearly isn’t the criteria for happiness!

The disturbing trend in the Gallup survey was the fact that more people were stressed out and feeling pain, worry, anger and sadness. Gallup surveyed over 154,000 people in 146 countries and said the global mood was at its gloomiest since its first survey in 2006.

The saddest nations are in Africa with the Central African Nation the saddest, followed by Iraq. However, the survey also said that people in wealthier nations were unhappier now than before. It said that more than half the Americans they interviewed were more stressed now than before.

This is a gloomy forecast of the state of humanity! But, someone sent me an anonymous post in a whatsapp group that tells you how to be happy and I must share it here because I think it works!

The gist of the note is that our happiness depends on four hormones: endorphins, dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin and how we can raise their levels in our bodies to be happier!

For more endorphins, exercise. For more dopamine, accomplish something like goals, big or small. For more serotonin, do good deeds — give back to your community or nature. For more oxytocin, hug someone or give a warm handshake.

In all of the above, we feel good doing these things because the hormone levels go up. 

It’s a simple solution to being happy! Let’s practise it!

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No point harking back; explore and venture into the new

New Malaysia is hopeful that we won’t go back to the same old same old but past trends are re-emerging which we should be very concerned about and take steps to check.

Firstly, there was the Melayu Bangkit rally held last Saturday to protect “Malay rights, the Malay rulers, and Islam”, which was organised by Pasir Salak MP Tajuddin Abdul Rahman. These are the same issues that Umno has always raised as rallying points to bring the Malays back to Umno whenever they felt that Malay support was threatened.

Understandably, Umno is worried. According to Merdeka Centre figures, the party got about 35% to 40% of the Malay votes with PAS getting about 30% to 33%. About 25% to 30% of the Malay votes went to Pakatan Harapan (PH). This 30% of Malay support — together with the bumiputra votes from East Malaysia and the non-Malay vote — was sufficient to give PH a simple majority to form the new government. In government, if PH succeeds in helping the rural and lower-income Malays, that 70% support may whittle down, hence the “Malay rights, the Malay rulers, and Islam” clarion calls aimed to resonate with the majority conservative Malays.

This is what Umno politicians have always done: to raise the racist and religious spectres of Malay rights and religion believing these would bring in Malay support at the risk of estranging non-Malays.

However, couldn’t the same thing be achieved by simply offering a better more inclusive alternative? Wouldn’t it have been better if Tajuddin and the Umno leaders who attended the rally had come up with a policy or a course of action to improve the lives of the Malays who support them? And presented it to the government to consider? Wouldn’t that have been more constructive political action?

Parti Keadilan Rakyat’s ongoing elections for the post of deputy president is another example of the same old same old. The two contenders, Economics Affairs Minister Datuk Seri Azmin Ali and Invoke Malaysia founder and CEO Rafizi Ramli, are engaged in a seemingly vicious battle to win the post. Rafizi has been going on the offensive with Azmin not responding until his one single outburst last week when he referred to Rafizi as the “toddler” when party president Anwar Ibrahim started the path to reforms.

The issue isn’t that they are competing to win; the issue is how they are fighting. Both are capable men with their own strengths. Azmin has strong grassroots support and works well with people while Rafizi is the thinker and the strategist. But their fight seems to be centred on who is more loyal to Anwar.

Anwar is the unopposed PKR president and the next prime minister. That is assured. The deputy president will be next in line to the premiership after Anwar and if PH remains in power. So, should the fight be about Anwar or what each can bring to the table to add to their predecessors’ work to lift the nation through higher stages of development until we reach developed status?

Making the fight over a personality even if he is Anwar is puerile politics. It is what the politicians of the past have always done — attack the opponent to gain political points.

Wouldn’t it have been better if the two candidates simply presented what they would do for the party and the nation if he became the deputy president?

Thirdly, prime ministers-in-waiting should discreetly stay in the background until called upon to take the place of honour — with the incumbent’s blessings. Prime Minister Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad is known to have a “difficult” relationship with the sultans for his firm stand on their role. A leader who said “No” to China, can easily say “no” to the sultans.

The relationship between Dr M and some sultans are, at best, testy. So, Anwar’s presence at the Sultan of Selangor Cup football game on Aug 25 naturally raised eyebrows. He was seated next to the Sultan which, of course, is the sultan’s prerogative.

The question is should Anwar have accepted the invitation to that place of honour? This is the kind of support-building that took place in the past and should it continue into the future? Perhaps, Anwar was just being nice to respond positively to the Sultan’s invitation and to allay whatever fears there might be about PKR’s support for the Sultan since PKR leads the state government under Dr M’s leadership.

But, should a prime minister-in-waiting have done that? A prime minister must show the people that he or she will uphold national sovereignty at all cost. The previous administration failed to do that, holding itself in debt to foreign nations and others in questionable deals. But, national sovereignty and the attendant qualities of national independence and neutrality are qualities that Dr M has in excess and qualities that subsequent PMs must have! These qualities are prerequisites for any prime minister for it shows that he or she will be beholden to no one — whether it is a foreign nation or institutions such as the royalty — and, therefore, can be trusted with upholding the people’s interests.

This is the one singular quality that a prime minister must prove he or she is committed to because it shows he or she cannot be bought over for whatever reason. This does not mean being antagonistic towards the rulers or foreign nations. It just means that they will be friendly with all but remain neutral and will not enter into any kind of arrangement which puts them in a position where others can call the shots.

In all of the above, the natural tendency was to fall back to the ways of the past. Current leaders and the leaders to come need to start exploring new ways of thinking to address the issues and realities of the day. The only way to stop harking back to the old ways is to think of fresh ways of dealing with current realities. That will be the new Malaysia.

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