Returning from the fringe series
When I joined Calvary Church, it was at the height of its popularity and, like others, I found the services refreshing and enjoyable. I would, sometimes, attend two or three services in a day! Evidently, something was happening to me. As I felt moved, I would go up to the altar — and cry — most of the time! I don’t know why but I would feel better.
My brothers (good Catholics!) were concerned. They held a family meeting in Langkawi (a resort island up north — they went there for something else) and entrusted the responsibility of putting me back on the correct path to Brother No 4 who is closest to me! When they returned, during one visit, Brother No 4 started: “You know you’re an intelligent girl (I’m a woman but for my brothers I am always a “girl”!). I hope you know what you are doing going to this church!” I laughed it off saying “It’s alright! Don’t worry!”
At that time, Brother No 4 was staying out of town but working in Kuala Lumpur. He would spend the working days at my house and go home for the weekend. During the week, I would tell him what went on at services. A few months later, he made it a point to tell me, “You know we all thought you were making a mistake going to Calvary Church. But you’ve stabilised after going there.”
I guess that is what the Holy Spirit did. Up to then the outward symptoms were kept well under control although I knew inside I was still vulnerable. The Holy Spirit began to take me through layers of layers of deep healing. I was enjoying myself with new friends, as well, and all of these contributed to my eventual recovery.
During this time, I began to see visions although I couldn’t quite figure them out then. (I’ll revisit these in future posts.) And, my quiet times became spiritually richer experiences. My job with the Star required me to work on shifts and mine started in the afternoons, so, I continued my practice of doing my long quiet times in the mornings.
Several months later, I had my first disappointment after joining Calvary Church. I was in a relationship that didn’t work out. When it ended, I was thinking “I have to go through the same process of struggling with my feelings as before and it’s going to take months before I forget!” I went through the motions of the day but inside I felt like I was going to break down.
It was a Friday and there was prayer meeting at night, and, as was usual, I went with my friends. I sat at the back not listening to the service but thinking, “I’m going to crash!” There was an altar call, and I felt like going forward and at the same time didn’t want to. I prayed, “God, if you want me to go up front, let Senior Pastor say ‘one more’! (He would say this sometimes at altar calls.) And, Senior Pastor did just that! I had no choice but to go up front. This time I didn’t cry; I was just fed up with the prospect of the same emotional struggle ahead!
I went home, took my bath and sat down on my bed, ready to collapse. But, I didn’t! By the time I lay my head on my pillow, I realised I hadn’t crashed. I slept well and woke up thinking, “My, my! The Holy Spirit has healed!”
I was thrilled and grateful to God! This was my first post-baptism of the Holy Spirit emotional disappointment and I came through it unscathed. It was followed by promises from God and I was full of hope. But, in the years ahead, I would learn that our Lord had much more in mind than just fulfilling His promises.
NEXT FRI: The stained glass cracks, but the Holy Spirit’s work goes on