Full realization and full faith!

Returning from the fringe series

As I regained my mental equilibrium, I would, off and on, remember what our Lord said to me many years ago as I lay stricken paralysed by a migraine attack: “Gertrude, I am here for you!” I thought it was nice that He would say that to me. But I didn’t make much more of it.

I was getting better and began to perform at work. Increments and promotions came and my reading expanded. In my readings, I came across a number of articles on depression. I saw myself in the descriptions of the symptoms and I started suspecting that all the problems I had in my past had to do with depression — a mental illness!

I decided to see a psychiatrist because I wanted to know for sure. He confirmed that it was depression but that “the worst was over”. I was astonished and incredulous! “Our Lord took me out of depression?! He healed me of depression?! I didn’t know what I was going through, but He did and took me out of it and built me up to be a stable woman again! God did this?!”

When what Jesus did sank in, I broke down and cried, streams of tears of gratitude! I was overwhelmed! My God saved me from emotional oblivion! I didn’t know what He was doing; I only saw His help every time all along the way. Now, I got the big picture: He healed me from depression and built me up again to live life to the fullest!

From that moment onwards, He got me at more than 100 per cent! I doubted no more. I had full faith in Him; in fact, it was an irrational faith, meaning that I no longer needed an intellectually correct rational argument to believe in Him. I didn’t need it. I just knew, and knew and now know with all my heart, mind and soul that He is real, and there for me. It finally dawned on me the significance of what He said that day during my migraine, on my campus bed: “Gertrude, I am here for you!” He knew what I was going to go through and assured me that He would be there for me. And He demonstrated it to me.

There’s no one on Earth who has taken care of me like He has and still does. I always feel like I had hacked my way through some emotional Jurassic jungle with only our Lord’s signposts as a guide. But, He was there. He was there! He is better than a husband! He takes care like no husband — like no one — can!

That’s the reason why I have called this blog, brideinwaiting. I am a single woman but I feel very loved and affirmed the way I am. Only our Lord can do that. I am looking forward to the day when we will meet and my relationship with Him will fall into place as He has destined. I may get married but whoever my husband may be will never take the place our Lord has in my heart. And, if I don’t get married, that is perfectly alright with me; He and I, and we, together, can take on the world!

Looking back at all the people He put in my way and all the help I got, I counted my blessings. Martha, Ellen, who was and still is like an elder sister and who held a graduation party for me and my friends (I never forgot that!), my stress-free home and family, a job among friends who gave me room, a few good friends, my home church despite its imperfections, and, especially the Holy Spirit. I’m forever grateful.

NEXT FRIDAY: King of my heart!

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