There is a host of reasons why people don’t get what they want. Some of these reasons are legitimate, while some are not. Most of the time when people let go of what they want, it is because they think they can’t get it for whatever reason. If you think you have tried really hard and still didn’t succeed, you’ll arrive at the time to let go. When you let go, make a clean break. But, don’t let go, and then long for it secretly and or indulge by doing sneaky little things. The parties involved can pick up these vibes and will be left wondering what you are up to. They won’t trust you.
The honorable thing to do is to let go and walk away. You make it easy for the others involved to do the same. If you want to try again, you have to be very sure this is what you want and start not in the way you did the first time but with a confidence that clearly communicates the determination of your intentions. If the parties involved want to give you a second chance, they want to be sure you won’t let them down again like you did the first time. You’ve got to act in a way that indicates that you are going to see this through, no matter what. Then, they may respond. If you are not sure you want this, don’t start!
Having said that, I want to suggest that everyone must strive to get what they want — even if they fail! The reason is that the process of getting what you want is as important as the end result. Some people do the “how to” quite naturally. The problem is for those who just can’t quite get started or if started, can’t quite keep it going. Such people need help. Speak to a close friend, mentor or counsellor and learn how to get what you want.
But, if you are a Christian, I want to suggest that you put your faith in Jesus, and start by doing the obvious. Take the obvious first step and the next and the next and so on by faith. Through the process we experience our Lord’s faithfulness every step of the way. We have to make some changes along the way, but we realise we are becoming stronger, more confident people. Even if the outcome is not as expected, the experience of our Lord’s faithfulness will build in us the confidence to face the future. That alone is a powerful motive to go through whatever life throws at us.
Take the wife in an abusive relationship. She wants out and she knows she has to get out but she can’t. She may stay, hoping against hope her husband will change for the better or she is too scared to step out. The obvious reason is to get out of that relationship. But, it takes faith to take that step and all the subsequent decisions she must make, like getting a job, finding a place to stay with the children and saying a definite “No!” to her husband. She has to have the faith to come to terms with the fact that though she has left her husband, she can’t be open to a relationship with another man unless her husband divorces her. All this requires faith, but it begins with the first step of faith to step out.
Take the husband who just can’t hold down a job. Perhaps he has lost confidence as a result of it. He knows he has to get a job. But, he hasn’t been successful so far. It takes faith to prayerfully ask God to help him while he considers his options and decides on one. And, faith again if that doesn’t work out to consider the next option. He may have to make changes to his life, settle for a lower standard of life and go abroad to where the jobs are. He may have to change his line of work and learn a new skills set. He may have to trust his family with God and his wife to faithfully hold the fort. All this requires faith and it begins with the first step of faith to do the necessary.
Take the man who likes a woman. The confident man will do the apparent: take the risk of starting the relationship by talking with her, adjusting his decisions as they go along. If you start a relationship, it doesn’t mean you are going to end up with that person! It’s a risk. The scared or immature or insecure or lacking in confidence will not take that risk. If he were a man of faith, he would prayerfully and by faith take the first step and the next and the next and so on until resolution. Every step of the way, he sees a faithful God and it inspires him to come through for others as He has for him. That is a very powerful motivation to keep moving forward. He will take the first step and keep taking the subsequent ones and there’ll be no turning back. But, it begins with the first step of faith motivated by invincible trust in God that generates love for the other. If that doesn’t happen, nothing else should be expected.
Proverbs 13: 4 says “a sluggard’s appetite is never filled, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.” It is those who diligently work to fulfill their desires who are satisfied. They may not get what they want, but the spiritual skills they acquire and that great assurance that God always came through will prepare them for even greater quests of satisfying their desires.
But, it all begins with doing the obvious by faith!