This Valentine’s Day I realised something about love that stumped me! As far back as humanity can remember, we have been chasing after love and it remains as elusive as ever for most people. Some do find it and I think they are the most blessed people on Earth. Unfortunately, I think they are a very small minority.
The majority keep looking for love and, really, don’t find it. So, they sing about it, write about it (me, inclusive!), talk about it, try it, test it, fight over it, make up and break up, get married and get divorced. We lie, cheat, deceive ourselves and others for love. We despair, agonize and even kill over love! And, heart-broken, when love fails us, we — often without even realising it — look for substitutes: usually money and sex.
It baffles me that humanity in the 21st Century — living in a time of the most amazing and mind-boggling advances it has ever made in every area of life — hasn’t got it together when it comes to love! We have progressed so far ahead in the history of humankind, but remain struggling and confused — except for those who have it — when it comes to love!
We start off hopeful that we will find love. We search for it, and when we think we have it, we marry and or after years into the relationship we find this is not love and we opt out. After such experiences and hearing about all the ill-fated relationships around us, I think we develop a subconscious skepticism that we would ever find love.
I suspect this is the underlying motive for all the things we do instead of loving: cohabitation, sexual permissiveness, multiple partners, etc, etc. At the back of our mind, in some vague way we doubt if we will ever find love. So, what’s the next best alternative?
We think: There’s no point in waiting for love and abstaining from living. So, let’s just enjoy ourselves connecting in whatever way we can with another person and enjoy it for as long as it lasts. If some social scientists were to study the reasons for the current culture of sexual permissiveness, I wouldn’t be surprised if they discovered that it evolved out of this need to connect because love may never happen. Some connection, some semblance of love is better than nothing at all!
Besides — the thinking goes — if love happens, great; if it doesn’t happen, we are living, anyway, and not dying from the lack of it!
What a tragedy of life! It is the one constant that hasn’t changed despite all our advances: Searching for love and struggling with or without it! Through time, it has been the perennial human condition. I doubt it is about to change! What a loveless lot of humanity we are!
NEXT WEEK; TWO KINDS OF LOVE